How fostering platonic friendships makes a meaningful and positive impact on our mental health and overall wellbeing.
As we grow and mature as human beings, life will inevitably bring us situations that are difficult. We all need support, no matter what stage of life we are in. For many of us, when we were younger, we had cohorts to share our days, our struggles, and learn alongside us. But as busy adults with jobs, families, and responsibilities, finding time to foster platonic friendships is often sacrificed. Yet having healthy friendships in our lives significantly improves our mental health by fulfilling our need for connection and social support, reducing stress, inspiring us, and even improving our longevity. In this article we review reasons each of us should make more of a concerted effort to nurture our platonic friendships and discuss ways we can establish friendships as adults.
Friendship and Social Connection
Having friends isn’t just about having a good time. Feeling secure in having people you can rely on can seriously make us feel better overall. When we have strong friendships, we laugh more, enjoy varied perspectives, and feel emotionally stronger. Good friends, who are healthy and safe, improve our mental health because interactions typically include diversion, validation, encouragement, physical touch, and active listening. They improve our knowledge of interests and subjects we are interested in, or simply act as a witness to our joys and challenges. Having a friend in our corner softens the edges of difficult days. It satisfies our innate human need to feel socially connected to something greater than ourselves. Having strong social ties enriches our lives and expands our horizons.
Friendship and Emotional Support
It is no surprise that having friends makes us feel emotionally supported. When we have established true friendships, the space shared between two people is a refuge to express thoughts and feelings, receive empathy or understanding, or just a listening ear to hear about the minutiae of our days. “It’s the little things that count’ and “To be seen, is to be loved.” The emotional support experienced within friendship is deeply validating, boosts our self-esteem, and can even improve our confidence. Benefiting from true friendship is also never more important than when tragedy and heartache strikes. But beyond being an emotional pillar, having friends serves practical needs such as help when we are moving, a ride to the airport, or care when we are sick. All these things involve physical labor but provide an abundance of soothing our hearts at the same time.
Friendship and Stress Relief Friendship
There is something about sharing the details of our burdens with others that make them seem easier to carry. One of the first steps to improving our mental health usually involves speaking with someone we trust. Having a dear friend to talk to, that believes in us, offers stress relief no money can buy. Healthy friendships introduce us to new perspectives, remind us of our values and goals. They even call us out when we may be self-abandoning. Spending time with friends helps soothe our nervous system, relaxes us, and boosts serotonin. Being in the presence of someone who chooses to love you, flaws, and all, relieves anxiety and grief. Engaging in activities with friends distracts us from worry, diverts our attention outward when we are too inside our head, and gives us a break from the responsibilities and pressure of our everyday lives.
Friendship and Self-Care
A key component to stable mental health is taking good care of ourselves. Good friends always want what’s best for us. If we invite healthy people into our lives, they will look like individuals who motivate us to take better care of ourselves. This might include modeling getting exercise, eating well, tips for more restful sleep, pursuing our dreams, seeking therapy to process our traumas, and choosing appropriate romantic partners. The best friendships provide accountability and practical support for daily living. Moreover, allowing ourselves to focus on someone else’s problems, letting loose consistently, honoring history developed with another human, celebrating another’s successes, and bearing witness and holding space for a friend’s losses, are beautiful and deeply substantive forms of self-care.
Friendship and Longevity
“Since 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been investigating what makes people flourish.” After starting with 724 participants and branching out to collecting data on over 1,300 descendants of the initial group – what they found is poignant and profound. “[The results of] the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life came to a simple, yet profound conclusion: Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured.” Outside of marriage, many adults struggle to maintain closeness and intimacy with other humans. Now, in our world history more than ever, is a good time to commit to seeking out and lovingly tending to our friends. In the process, it will not only improve the mental health of both parties but can quite literally extend the years we have on this earth.
Finding Friends As a Grownup
Below are just a few ideas for making connections that might be developed into close friendships:
Clubs and Groups:
Depending on where you live, there will be different types of clubs and activities you can join. Your mental health and chance at developing friendships can improve by attending book clubs, skill-building classes, advocacy groups, recreational/hobby groups, sports teams, cooking classes, or dance classess. These types of events will expose you to people who have similar interests or passions.
Social Events:
Other ways your mental health and chance at developing friendships can improve are by attending community social events such as festivals, art shows, fund raisers, or networking events. Individuals at these occasions are motivated to share and socialize with others. The goal is usually to bring people together and establish relationships.
Social Media and Apps:
Although all social media interactions should be participated in with caution, they do offer a chance to develop friendships. Media platforms or apps such as Meetup, Bumble BFF, Nextdoor or even Facebook groups can help connect like-minded individuals that want to improve themselves, learn a skill, enjoy a hobby, or make connections.
Rekindling Prior Connections:
Perhaps there is someone already in your life that you did not spend the required amount of time and energy to develop the friendship. Or perhaps your interactions naturally deviated due to life circumstances or stages. But now, there is a chance you could reconnect. Reach out to friends of friends, old co-workers, family members, or acquaintances and let them know you’re interested in building your relationship. Ask them if they have the interest and bandwidth to do the same. You may even benefit from a further mental health boost because a prior feeling of love or affiliation was already there.
Volunteer:
Serving others is a great way to boost your mental health as well as develop potential friendships. You will also have the added bonus of contributing to a purpose that means something to you. Whether it is animal shelter, soup kitchen, food pantry, local school, trash clean up, domestic violence shelter, or library, there is always a need for people to give of their time, hard work, or talent.
Sports Teams or Fitness Groups:
If you enjoy sports or fitness activities, joining a sports team or fitness group is a great way to meet new people. Yoga, cardio classes, rec leagues, biking, or walking activities all contribute to improved mental health, opportunities for friendship and comradery, as well as overall bolstering your physical health.
Finding the Time and Courage
As busy or depressed adults, there are many reasons we can find to not extend ourselves and nurture our platonic relationships. Perhaps we have young children, demanding jobs, or relational trauma. Maybe our attachment style hinders our ability to be emotionally available to others. There are stages in our lives when responsibilities at home will curtail developing outside friendships. But, if you find yourself alone, without healthy friendships, or you could benefit from more support, receive this invitation to gift yourself more support and attention. Take the time to make a meaningful and positive impact on your mental health and overall wellbeing by seeking out and expanding your circle of friends. Chances are you have not experienced all the love, intimacy, and sharing that are in store for you. Friendship is good for your brain, for your body, and for your heart.