*This article discusses the serious topic of loneliness and isolation and gives ideas about how to navigate those emotions. It is not intended to take the place of therapeutic advice. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or is in a crisis, do not hesitate to dial 988 in the United States, or 0800 801 200 in Romania.

 

Navigating Loneliness and Isolation

Reflections on loneliness and isolation as a part of the human condition,10 antidotes to ease the experience, and a reminder that we are all deserving.  

We are all experts in our own aloneness. Or so someone once said. Every human on the planet, at some point in their lives, has experienced some degree of loneliness and isolation. Yet, the path of navigating these intense feelings is a deeply personal one. Unfortunately, when we are in this state, reaching out is hard to do. For when we do, often the replies we receive from people fall short in making us feel better. Or admitting to the struggles is embarrassing. So, in addition to carrying the weight of a loneliness affliction, many experience those around them not knowing how to hold space for big and scary emotions. And our own self-talk is filled with judgment and shame.

 

 

Hypothetical Conversations with Another When We Feel Lonely:

Lonely Person: This is an unbearable situation. Indeed, I do not know how I can handle it.

Good Meaning Person: Oh, don’t you worry. I was lonely once. It will pass.

Lonely Person: Yes, but no one understands how this is, for me. My heart hurts so much.

Good Meaning Person: I get it. We’ve all been there. But everyone has experienced this.

 

Hypothetical Conversations with Ourselves When We Feel Isolated:

Lonely Self: I will be alone forever. No one loves me.

Lonely Self Reply: Well, if you had just done that thing, or not done that other thing, you wouldn’t be in this mess.

Lonely Self: I think I’ll stay in bed all day. No need to go out. I have no friends anyway.

Lonely Self Reply: Good idea. It’s hopeless anyway.

 

A Non-Exhaustive List of Why You Might Feel Lonely or Isolated

  • You are single when all you’ve ever wanted is a relationship
  • You are experiencing severe financial distress
  • You feel trapped in a loveless relationship
  •  You’ve lost someone close to you
  •  You’ve lost multiple people close to you
  •  You have a chronic health condition
  •  Your social awkwardness makes you feel like an outcast
  •  You’re trying to move on from a breakup
  •  Your friends have betrayed you
  •  You feel ugly or different
  •  You have a diagnosis of depression, anxiety, or other mental health condition
  •  You just left an abusive situation
  •  You are trying to get out of an abusive situation
  •  You have just left home for the first time
  •  You are battling an addiction
  •  You made a mistake and are now living with the consequences
  • You have not processed traumatic events from your past
  • You work too much to socialize or the people around you are not your tribe
  • You have a secret that is burdensome to carry

 

When we look at this list, many of us can relate. Why then does knowing other people feel the same, not make the situation easier to bear? Biologically, as a species, we have an innate desire to experience connection with other humans. Indeed, the need is so strong there is ample evidence that prolonged periods of isolation and loneliness can lead to negative biological outcomes in our bodies. These take the form of physical sickness, mental health, or chronic pain. Whereas, the influence of social connectedness enhances and prolongs lives. So, although we may know intellectually that everyone gets down and lonely, the experience of isolation is physical. If we can find the energy, and the loving space, we can calmly tell our bodies we have nothing to be ashamed about. Many, many humans have periods of despair. It is courageous to ask for what you need.

 

10  Antidotes for Loneliness and Isolation

As experience has already taught us, there is no fairy dust available to grownups to make pain go away immediately. However, the real magic of being a human is realizing that feelings come and go. They are never final. And there are things we can do. Below is a list of 10 antidotes for times when we are feeling isolated or alone.  

 

Surrender

“What we resists, persists.” Although it is natural to want attention, love, and affection from other humans, we cannot always rely on others to meet our needs. As a child, it was a parent or caretakers duty to nurture and protect us. Regardless of whether this happened appropriately, reaching adulthood means understanding we have a responsibility to develop our own happiness and heal our traumas.  When we resist feelings of loneliness and isolation, and act like we are fine, these emotions can become buried inside of us. Whereas, once we accept that having a full range of emotions, good and bad, is part of living, it can loosen the grip. We can stop being afraid we will feel that way forever. There is a peace in knowing there are many chances for connection, love, and unity in the days ahead.    

 

Talk to Someone Safe

First and foremost, therapy is a great place to begin to find someone safe to speak with. This is especially true for individuals that do not have a lot of family or peer support when experiencing loneliness and isolation. Therapists can also recommend other supportive groups or persons you may be able to reach out to. For those who have resources, reach out to friends, family, or acquaintances through calls, messages, and social media. Letting people know you have a need to connect is a beautiful display of self-love.

 

Join Groups

Depending on where you live, join events at libraries, museums, cultural centers, or other organizations that value learning and discovery. If transportation or community offerings are limited, there are many supportive groups on the internet via MeetUp, or other recommendations from your therapist or medical doctor. Exploring groups that align with your hobbies or interests is a great way to make social connections and assuage loneliness and isolation.

 

Connect With Nature  

Even if it is not your natural inclination to be outdoors, introducing nature into your life on a regular basis can provide a sense of peace and belonging and help ease the burden of being alone. Whether it’s a stroll on a sunny day, a picnic in a park, a short walk in crisp cold weather, or sitting by a river, nature offers a soothing presence that uplifts the spirit and calms the mind. The beauty of the natural world can inspire awe and wonder, fostering a sense of connection to something greater than oneself. Additionally, spending time in nature often involves physical activity, which can improve mood and overall well-being.

 

Practice Mindfulness

Sometimes when we feel alone and isolated, we become quite shut down. Doing normal, everyday tasks can seem an enormous burden. But if we can find the strength, on some days, to sit near a window and meditate, or do some box breathing, practicing mindfulness can do wonders for our outlook. Although taking time with ourselves will bring up emotions that will want to give us information, having the courage to listen to that information can instill a greater sense of confidence and peace. Mediating, or practicing other forms of intentional mindfulness, teach us patience and self-compassion. This in turn makes us feel so alive to the beauty and richness of the world around us, making loneliness and isolation feel much less acute.

 

Make Plans

Anticipating future plans, making goals, having things to look forward to provides purpose and excitement to our lives. Moreover, there is evidence that shows the power our mind has in bringing about events we focus on.  Though it’s true we do not always know how long feelings of loneliness and isolation will last, we can choose to make moments of concentrating on things we want to happen. To remind ourselves to be open to opportunities that come our way. Have fun writing yourself love notes, or reminder notes on a mirror, or having a practice of writing down things you are grateful for. These things can be influential forces for our good.

 

Write or Create

Creative projects are incredible conduits for overwhelming feelings. Countless stories, songs, paintings, sculptures, businesses, and movements have started due to the pain and angst of one human. When loneliness and isolation are channeled, they can become a loving drill sergeant. The beating drum of our pain hijacking the dissociation of our days. If we are able to find courage, despite how tormented we feel, messages we need can bubble up to the bright daylight. When those messages are shared with others, we begin to understand why we felt alone in the first place.

 

Adopt a Pet

If you have the means and opportunity, adopting an animal to care for can truly be life-changing. Not only do animals offer unconditional love, but the routine, exercise, and attention they require all provide a stable, consistent, structured way of living. Another benefit is the social aspect. Whether its walking a dog, or bragging about your cat, caring for animals provides the opportunity to meet others in your community. Additionally, the bond between a pet and their owner can be incredibly strong, offering a deep and meaningful connection that helps combat feelings of loneliness and isolation.

 

Volunteer

Sometimes when we are in agony, the only way we find a way out is to concentrate on something bigger than ourselves. There are countless organizations and ways to provide service in most countries and communities. If you are not able to leave your house, there are even apps such as Be My Eyes which helps blind or persons with low vision connect with sighted people to accomplish everyday tasks. Loneliness and isolation make us feel we are not useful. Volunteering for agencies and causes we believe in such as domestic violence shelters, animal rescues, food banks, mentoring, home-building, and many more takes the focus off our pain and directs our energies to making a positive impact. As an added bonus, working alongside others can foster new friendships and provide opportunities for social interaction.

 

Develop Self-Love, Self-Interest, and Self-Compassion

Many times, people who feel most isolated and alone are individuals who did not have their needs met in childhood, were shamed for having needs, or who were abused or neglected. Alongside not experiencing love, affection, or being shown interest, they missed out on a key element to healthy self-development – discovering what they are passionate about. When children live in survival mode, they often grow up to be adults living in emotional survival mode. Missing out on those carefree years of discovering who they are, what they like, and what lights their sparks can translate into loneliness, depression, isolation, and sadness later. Thank goodness as adults, we can write new stories for our lives! We can make a commitment to cultivate radical self-love which will always lead us to discover our self-interests and lavish the richness of self-compassion upon us.

 

A Last Word About Loneliness

In essence, loneliness and the isolation it brings, are just shades of grief. A sense of missing out on, or wanting back, or pining for something we have never had.  It goes without saying everyone deserves to have had a beautiful childhood. All of us deserve to be healthy, happy, supported, respected, engaged, passionate, and nurtured adults. Yet sometimes, reality is very far away from all of that. But however deeply it is felt, please know, you are not alone. Not in your feelings, not in your messy, and not in your fears. You are deserving and you are capable. Seek help. We all have to. Some of the time.